so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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