My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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