Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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