You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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