Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
