Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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