I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
the raccoons are back...
Randomize