The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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