new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
