the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
