the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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