Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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