I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize