I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
