I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
only if we run a train.
done.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
