You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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