Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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