Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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