I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
