...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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