Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
