69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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