i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
