I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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