Already got asked if we're dating
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
