i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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