dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
