Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize