is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize