He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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