saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
