I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
