Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
