He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's great music for shaving your balls
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
