Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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