dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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