I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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