Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
