WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
