It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
