was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
