...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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