i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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