Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm both gender and math confused
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
