Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So many bounce houses so little time
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
