so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
