is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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