I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
