i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
