I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
