i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
