you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
