i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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