I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
