So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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