we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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