Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
