but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
