Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
