Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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