Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
