so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
