I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
