I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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