Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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