I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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