she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
