You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
