bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize