not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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