I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
