At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
