I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
