Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
