I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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