No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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