Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
