can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize