before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
