My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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