Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I deserve this hangover.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize