oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
