you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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