chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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