Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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